This is part two of my decision-making series. It started when I was choosing to change careers. It was not an easy decision, but I do not have any regrets and I wanted to share some ways I found peace in these decisions.
For part one, of knowing when to make the decision in the first place, see here:
For another article on reframing a career change as a career addition, see here:
I think there are four things to keep in mind to make peace with hard decisions.
- The impermanency of change
It is a strong claim to make, but almost none of the changes we make are fully permanent. Some are close to permanent, with institutional, organisational, economic, geographic, or other barriers. But even if it seems like the change is permanent and even if factually, a significant part of life will not be the same as before, there are almost always ways to ‘rectify’ a change. I use the word rectify loosely; that is not to say the change was a mistake, but rather to say, change can be changed, and the impacts of the change can be mitigated.
I thought about that more when I passed my former office from my first career. I grew professionally there and felt sad when I resigned; I was thankful I was going through a ‘walking towards’ transition when I left. I reflected on how just because something is not a part of our everyday life anymore, it doesn’t mean it can’t still be a part of who we become. We don’t lose the experiences and memories. They are always with us and relevant to how we approach our new chapters which follow.
I knew when I left medicine, I could still do an allied health career should I choose to. If I really wanted, I could apply to do medicine again somewhere. I could also continue the legacy of my medical experience in my next career (which I ended up doing now I’m in public health). I found that exploring some of these possibilities, even if I didn’t seriously consider all of them, mitigated regret and fear of choosing the wrong thing.
- It will be hard
Feeling grief and guilt are normal. There’s a version of you that stayed in that career, or relationship, or city, or other thing. There’s a future you imagined yourself in, and feeling grief towards those things is normal. The future now won’t be as you imagined, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Guilt is equally normal. You’re choosing a door that’s right for you, or walking away from what harmed you. You’re not deciding whether you are going to be successful or a failure. You’re deciding how to live. A big thing for me, and I’m sure many others, is to slow it down. It isn’t a binary yes or no decision that’s over once you make it. It’s a living, emotional process. There will be days you question it and that’s normal.
It’s important to validate that it’s going to be hard, it’s going to come with second thoughts, and there may be grief or regret among other emotions.
- Dealing with judgement
Judgement can come from yourself and others. Going into medicine was a huge career change from the corporate world and came with a lot of judgement. I was “crazy” and “throwing it all away”. Everyone will have an opinion on what you decide. Having conviction for yourself is extremely important to withstand the opinions that could arise. It was not comfortable. I felt misunderstood and like a failure going into medicine, because of the extent of judgement. But then I found a community of people who had also been through major life changes. I reinforced my truth, and learned to trust myself. Several people even told me how I inspired them to follow that thing they meant to do but were scared to.
Other people’s inability to understand your journey, decisions, and life, is their limitation and not yours. It sometimes reflects their own fears and insecurities, or their discomfort with someone else making a choice they don’t feel free to make. You’re honouring yourself and pivoting towards something meaningful for you. That’s leading your life with courage. People who have already experienced the changes you are brave enough to follow won’t need to pass judgement on you, and they are the people you will find in the process of making your own brave decisions.
- Write it down
Whenever I make a big decision, I write down ‘Reasons why I decided to do XYZ’. It’s a small thing but it’s something I get to look back on to remember why that decision was so important to me when I was making it. On those days of doubt, I found comfort in remembering, yes this was the right decision.
I remember once I had to respond to someone by saying, “actually no, it’s a good thing and I’m happy”, when the presumption was that me choosing to leave something was a failure. But it’s not. There’s also power in writing and remembering mantras such as:
- I made a decision to pivot into a career/city/choice that aligns more with my values
- I can make a bigger impact with this decision
- I learned a lot that I would not have done otherwise, and now I can use that in a way that honours my life
- I’m thriving. I get to do (other things) instead.
- I made a conscious decision to shift into a path that’s more aligned with me and I’m really happy with it
- I admire myself for knowing when to pause, when to listen deeply, and when to choose a path that truly serves me
Sometimes staying is self abandonment and starting a new chapter enables us to graduate to a life that works for us.
I hope that these two blogs on making decisions (on career changes but applicable to other decisions too) help to identify when it’s the right time to make that decision and eventually make peace with it.
